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I mean, your knowing isn't likesomeone else's knowing. And," I went on, "she liked the way I looked.I was sacked out on the floor, and she saw me in just my pantiesand hose. And she complimented me. Told me how good she thoughtI looked. She even said that if I were her husband, she'd keep medressed all the time."Sheila looked at me, considering. "You know, I told you the issue wasself-acceptance. You thought you accepted it. You told me you did.But I think, at some level deep inside, you didn't. Down there, youwere thinking about how you would look to other people. How theywould laugh, or be disgusted." And Bess didn't laugh." And she wasn't disgusted. She liked you that way."Then I saw myself in the mirror. Oh oh. The same revolting sight: aman, looking silly in a dress and a wig.I looked away again. Looked down at my skirt--a striped number inblue and gray--and felt good again.This was strange. Looked in the mirror, was appalled. Looked awayand down at the dress,. Mrs. Parsons was the first to finish her drink, holding up her glass and asking for another one. This time, Mr. Parsons didn't try to talk her out of it. Instead, he drank his whole glass down first, and then went back to the bar again, making two new drinks. It became a contest between them to see who could drink theirs down the fastest. When Gerta came in to announce dinner was ready, both of them were on either their sixth or seventh drink. Some of the things they were saying were very funny to them, because they both were laughing, but it didn't seem funny to me.Mrs. Parsons and I sat in our usual places, but Mr. Parsons decided to sit across the table from me. Mr. Parsons told Gerta to bring us a bottle of wine with dinner. We were having thinly sliced pieces of beef, in a rich gravy sauce. Gerta came back with a bottle of red wine and two glasses. She looked worried about Mrs. Parsons drinking, but she didn't say anything. When he had filled their wine glasses, Mrs. Parsons.
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